I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize