You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
