I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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