i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
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