i think i have herpe
just one?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
