i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
