i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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