that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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