He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
