and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
