Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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