What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
