I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I want to be your penis for a week.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize