I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
So much Jack, so little girl.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
