no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Randomize
