ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
