Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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