I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
