I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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