Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
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