Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
