So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
