You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
