I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
