I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Randomize