I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
the liver wants what the liver wants
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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