just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Every concussion has its silver lining
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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