It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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