shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
