Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
