??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
