i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize