I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
