Im at strip club and am horny
Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
The best revenge is premature balding
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
How does it feel to date your dad?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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