party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
