some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
