____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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