You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
