why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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