1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
