Ambien. No doubt about it.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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