Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
