Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
