I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I look better un-naked...
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
