I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
