the new term for farting is butt boxing.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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