OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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