Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize