i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
