Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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