My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
