Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
