she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I just want to make out with him forever
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
