I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize