Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
