Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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