Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
