she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
