Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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