i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
