forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
