I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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