You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Randomize
