Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
