How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
