I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
