I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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