i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
sarcasm needs its own font
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
