WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
