I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
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