PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
