Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I'm like, not good at living.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
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