Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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