God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Randomize
