kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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