She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
