pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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