but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
