She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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