I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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