It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
