i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Randomize
