who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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