Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
