Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
this hospital has no fireball
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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