I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
