How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
