Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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