Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
