How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
