I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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