i'm signing you up for texting rehab
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
