Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
