Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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