I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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