allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize
