I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
