I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
