she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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