You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
