so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
