You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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