The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
My first STD was from a foam party
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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