I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Boobs are out for the taking
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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